At 8 months since Chuck’s call Home I am persuaded that grieving is a classroom.
At the very first GOD had me. I did not doubt it. My body was numb. I languished in GOD’s life raft. In Spirit I felt filled with Faith and GOD drew my eyes to fix firmly on Eternity and Promise. Joy filled my heart and I absolutely knew it was all GOD and all Good. He is Faithful and True. Chuck was Home and Heaven rejoiced!
When a couple of weeks had passed, the kids reluctantly went home. I wanted to keep moving forward so I knew I needed to face being one without being whole. I went wading out into life again. I went back to work. Waves of grief kept lapping at me. Rolling waves came upon me at times and I’d instinctively try to jump or turn my back. Sometimes, appearing out of nowhere, they’d slam me face forward and toss me back to start. Whatever the impact, GOD knows what is happening. The GOD of Comfort knows exactly how to demonstrate His Divine Peace and Solace. JESUS CHRIST knows my weaknesses intimately, yet He, without sin. You know how it feels to be powerless and alone. Humility that I could never dare bring on myself… broken spirit, contrite heart, a gift of GOD. I did not plan that, could not conceive of it, but it is true treasure in a fleeting life. Though I am a heap on the shore, GOD restores me to my feet. Sometimes He whispers on a breeze, He sends earth’s creatures, or He stirs in other hearts to care and act.
Many months have passed since GOD called Chuck home. The body slams are less frequent. GOD has continuously shown me His Steadfastness, His Unwavering Provision for my need. Waves still take me by surprise sometimes. If I sense the approach of a wave, I am learning that Peace is found in diving through it with Belief that GOD still has me, has not let go of me, and has Promised to never leave me. I am learning to embrace that Chuck will always be part of me. That can not change, having spent 37 years together, nor would I want it to. We are destined to be one in CHRIST and that again defies my understanding.
Chuck has gone to the presence of our Lord and Savior, seated at the right hand of GOD, welcomed into the Light of Righteousness, finally laying aside the dwelling of sinful flesh. My mind can not envision or speculate with any comparison what is the Glory to be revealed in us, what it will be to have that last tear wiped away!
GOD always brings me around to this. This is a sojourn for a measure of time in an ultimate journey. Truth abides. Love endures. Hope restores. GOD delivers.
Glory to God!